Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
