Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
