someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
