Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What a dumb baby whore.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
