Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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