So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
