I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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