dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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