dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
there is glitter all over my balls
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