I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
