The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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