He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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