Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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