Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's shark week go big or go home
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
