Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
