Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
