Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
