She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
