Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
