for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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