As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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