I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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