just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
