Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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