You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want a musical about memes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
