I cannot find my penis.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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