these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
