he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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