Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
