He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
