I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
