all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
