He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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