Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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