you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
