By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
