So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
