we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
