You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
