i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
