just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
