having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize