you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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