I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
