thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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