Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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