Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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