either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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