I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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