Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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