Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
