Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
