im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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