I want to stick my p in your. b.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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