True but thats because hes a fetus.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
