I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
