Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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