Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
