Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
