I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
