Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
