Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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