I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
