Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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