A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
