she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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