Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
