theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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