You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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