Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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