First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
