So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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