theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
