ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
