Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you inspire me to be a worse person
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
